Playboy - or - Memoirs of Casanova

Dreamer: Dave, 32, North American

I was playing basketball and my teammate passed me the ball. Before I could get it I got fouled by an opponent. The referee didn't call a foul, instead calling a jump ball. Later, I was scrambling for a loose ball and made a great play by bouncing the ball off my opponent's foot and the ball rolled out of bounds. It should have been our team's ball, but the same referee ignored the play and let the game continue as if nothing happened!

I was really pissed off. So the next time down the court I made a remarkable, double pump shot that swished through the net. It was a fabulous shot and the crowd and opposing players were impressed. I heard the PA announcer say something about the great shot I'd just made, despite the fact that I was angry. Later, a woman in my office was the point guard and she was playing well.

I don't think the dream is work-related, because I have no stresses or ambitions at work. Everything is cool there. My family, personal life and health are excellent too. I love my job, but will be going through a career change soon, because I've recently discovered my true calling: music and radio.

I only remember the one woman (the point guard) in my dream. Everybody else was faceless and nameless. I am going through a relationship breakup with my girlfriend. We went out for 14 rocky months before I ended it four months ago. Weeks after the last and final breakup (I had broken up with her three previous times), I wanted to resume the relationship again but she said no. In fact, she'd found another lover. I was devastated and in tremendous pain, which has only recently subsided. I still cry about the good times we had together and miss her often. However, when we were together it was constant fighting and arguing, though the sex was great. I've been dating and while a lot of women dig me, I'm not into them. However, I've recently met three wonderful women I really like. I've been dating them all, trying to decide if the feelings I have for them are mutual. So far so good, but no clear No. 1 yet.

I play basketball for two men's teams. I'm one of the better players in the league.

Mr. Hagen's Reply: Rhythm of Love - or - Playing The Field

When we are young it is important to have experienced "the game". You seem to be at an age where "playing the field" is still the number one priority. When you are yet older and "look back" as a spectator with perhaps a family and kids, you will see the game from a different perspective. I'm digressing; I have moved forward in time to show that things will probably change.

However, I need to return to your present situation. I guess all men would like to prove their "virility". Certainly juggling three women at the same time can be a boost to the masculine ego.

Let's go directly to your dream. You seem to have a need to create the perception among the audience, the opposing players and your teammates, that you're a great technical player. I guess technique does play an important role in any field including sexual performance! I think that when sex is the top criterion and there is no romance, the relationship degrades to sex as sport.

Moving on to how you perhaps perceive women, what is your rating or point system? Is sex the top criterion of their performance (and yours)? I think your dream gives you a clue to where you need to look for guidance. The keys are the "rules of the game"! Where are the boundaries? Who makes the judgments of whether you are a fair or foul player?

You have recently been hurt. Do you care what others may be feeling or do you only care about what you feel? Could you perhaps be hurting others? The battle of the sexes is a very old war game. Without rules for fighting fairly in the sexual wilderness, things can get pretty scary.

There probably is a lot more that I could say. However, I will leave you with only a couple more thoughts. Your situation reminds me of the film "When Harry Met Sally"(view video of their dream fantasies). In this romantic comedy, Harry and Sally talk about their dreams. Harry's dream was that he was in the sexual Olympics and the Canadian judge gave him a 9.8, the American judge a perfect 10 and his mother, disguised as an East-German Judge, a 5.6. I hope you understand what I'm saying. The film is a very good example of how things and people change over time. I would recommend the movie if you haven't seen it. From a popular music perspective the Scorpions The Rhythm of Love seems to fit the sentiment of your dream.

The archetypal playing field for the sexes has generationally provided a dramatic stage for thousands of years and there is a literary historical record of this ongoing epic stage play. Looking back, one man who openly put the erotic and sexual exploits of his iconic life in writing was Giacomo Casanova who lived in the 18th century. We can trace some of the thoughts found in your modern dream to Casanova's ideas. Casanova's Story of My Life reveals a man who cultivated the art of the game of seduction and pleasure. From a popular culture perspective the silent film star Rudolf Valentino known as a "Latin Lover", represented a collective sex symbol and masculine ideal. Upon his death at 31, his female fans broke out into mass hysteria, propelling Valentino to iconic status. Peter Trachtenberg's The Casanova Complex: Compulsive Lovers and Their Woman, is a good read and provides understanding. Especially the section entitled "Jugglers" seems to relate to your dream.


Hope these thoughts are of help and provide some insight,
Mark H.

All material Copyright 2006 International Institute for Dream Research. All rights reserved.