Dialogues of Love -or- I Won't Live in a World Without Love
High Fidelity -or- Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters
From the film "High Fidelity"; Rob: "It would be nice to think that since I was 14, times have changed. Relationships have become more sophisticated. Females less cruel. Skins thicker. Instincts more developed. But there seems to be an element of that afternoon in everything that's happened to me since. All my romantic stories are a scrambled version of that first one."
The key word "love" appears in 10% of dreams sent to the International Institute for Dream Research. The keyword "sex" only 6%. Ethel S. Person "Dreams of Love and Fateful Encounters: The Power of Romantic Passion" discusses how love develops via "dialogues of love". Here are six different dream dialogues, of three women and three men, ranging from 13 years old to 29 years old. I have divided my responses to the dreams into three groups; "teenage", "young adult" and "adult".
Betty, 13
Lately I have been really looking into dreams I have been studying dreams for the past few weeks and I would love to study it when I get older but I still need help with my dreams. If you can tell me what my dreams are telling me that would be great. I keep having dreams that don't really make me happy.
Once I dreamed about my bf (boyfriend) kissing me them turned around and kissed another girl that's when I woke up I was sad. The next one was where he broke up with me. Right now we are not together at the moment he broke up with me on new years :(. After that dream I had another dream about one of his friends which I liked before dating him the dream was about him liking me and me liking him and then a few days later he broke up with his gf but the weird part is he broke up with his gf exactly a week after me and my bf broke up.
Rob, 14
I was going towards at my house, but when i walked in the door it turned into my old middle school. In the main lobby there was steps and a bench but in place of the bench was a green couch that belongs to my aunt. I sometimes sleep on the couch when i go to her couch, but it hurts your back. I sat down on the couch with my girlfriend of 1 month, who i have not kissed yet at the time. Instead of going to hug her i went to lay on her, but then she got mad and left. So she left and went outside, which was the actual outside of my house. She crossed the parking lot towards my aunt's house. I looked out the window and she was telling my best friend (i dont know how he got there) that her and i are through and to tell me.
Now you need background info. I asked this girl out and she said no. I was heart broken. Then a few days later she asked me out and i was too hurt still to say yes. Then i asked her again and she said yes. Then a couple weeks later she broke up with me. Then we got back together. Then she dumped me again because she thought that i could find someone better. I love her now. I had a girlfriend before this one with the same name. She was my first kiss. Thats my dream and background i guess.
Mr Hagen's Response: Melodrama of Teenage Love -or- 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover
Many of the dreams of teenage girl meets boy dramatic intimate interaction is emotional and psychological turmoil personified. Emotional commitment does not appear to part of these "couples" vocabulary yet. And while I am not speaking of a "proposal", or even a marriage contract, we see such thoughts generally entertained by older individuals. In both dreams above we find negative feelings like hurt, sad, mad, and heart broken. While the "melodramatic" dialogues, thoughts and feelings seem to be all over the "love map", both dreams speak about breaking up. Recalling to mind Paul Simon's popular song "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover" (watch music video). From a somewhat more emotional perspective Alicia Keys "Fallin" (watch video). Do these "break ups" lay the foundation for the "Divorce Culture" (read dream interpretation) we live in today? Is this why so many feel lonely, depressed, sad, alienated, disillusioned even suicidal in their dreams? These type of dreams recall another popular song to mind, Peter and Gordon's "World Without Love" (watch music video).
Liz, 22
Lately I been dreaming about my ex-boyfriend wanting to get back with me. Every time he gets close to me he starts hugging me and kissing me and he starts asking me if I wanna get back with him I like the idea but i never say anything. But in real life he doesn't wanna be with me so that's what he shows me, and i do wanna be with him I still love him. Does this mean something? what does it mean?
Jason, 22
I dream of my ex-girlfriend (but she doesnt know that im still in love with her). She felt happy because we're friends already, yet deep inside me i still feel the same kind of affection.
Here's the dream scenario:
I dream that the two of us was standing on the STAIRS... she was above me, maybe three to four stair steps above me... we are both looking sidewards and we both lay our hands on the isle... it seems like we are looking at a far away place or we're just thinking deep... there were no words spoken, just a still picture of this scene... i hope you could interpret it for me....
Mr Hagen's Response: The Twenty Something Ex-Files -or- Words Left Unspoken
Many of us have dreams of what I have called the "Ex-Files". These two twenty something people's dreams above, are both pining about love's labours lost. They both carry emotional baggage which will usually present a negative cognitive-emotional influence on all new intimate relationships in the future. A song that expresses such conundrums of love is The Moody Blues "Knights in White Satin" (watch music video).
Sandy, 29
I have been dating my boyfriend for the past 3 months. We said our I love you's and we meet each others immediate family. I recently dreamed that I was at least 6 months pregnant and that I was shopping for a wedding dress because we were getting married. I woke up before we had the ceremony. I've been married, I'm now divorced with kids. He has never been married and doesn't have children. He has said that he doesn't want a wedding and that he rather elope. I on the other hand I really don't want to get married again.
Jason, 29
In my office there is a young secretary, smart and very attractive who works for a different manager. I've been working in this office for years, and didn't think anything of it until a while back when I started having dreams about this particular lady. Being married with three kids and a lovely country home I never thought I'd have these sorts of thoughts again, but I was wrong.
Suddenly I'm dreaming about this girl almost every night...and the dreams are becoming more and more intense. She looks in my eyes with a very deep expression and *POP* I wake up. In another dream, we are floating around in a void entwined in each others arms. Another dream she kisses me, and in another we are swimming naked very comfortably-in my dream it wasn't "weird" if that makes any sense.
Now I'm a little concerned about these dreams because I don't know what they mean. I'm feeling an attraction to this lady as a result of these dreams, and I cannot honestly think of where exactly they came from. I've never entertained fantasies like this or relationships, and I must admit I feel guilty when I wake up with these dreams-especially when I look at my wife and kids. Why am I having these dreams? What do they mean? I need help!
Dating, Eloping and Marriage -or- Attraction, Erotic Fantasy, Affairs and Divorce
When we are older, the erotic dream game, fantasy of love and intimacy begins to speak the language of experience. The two dreamers above have both experienced marriage, both have children. Sandy is divorced and Jason's attraction and affair with his dream lover, may prove fatal in reality to his marriage, leading him down the road of divorce as well.
On some final notes, songs, lyrics and vicissitudes of "dating" abound;
- Chris Isaak "Wicked Game"
- Eric Clapton "Wonderful Tonight"
- Adele "Rolling in the Deep"
- Katy Perry "Last Friday Night"