Sexology -or- Sexual Dream Education and the Dream of Love
The Joy of Sex -or- Affective and Hormonal Storms
Those who are in, or have completed high school in the last 40 years (or perhaps more)... remember sex-ed classes? Did anyone talk about their sexual dreams and fantasies? Most likely not, to much exposure, the naked truth creates feelings of embarrassment, and dreams of being and feeling naked in public. Most of us learn not to disclose, and show to much of what you really think, feel or fantasize. In book stores, sexual and erotic manuals are available such as Alex Comfort's "Joy of Sex" and the "Kama Sutra" which provides cultural wisdom about the pleasures of the flesh. Many if not most, still show signs of squirmishness to discuss the theme and topic openly. The scientific study of sex, is a relatively recent addition to the sciences, and has been labeled "sexology". From this sex education and sexual logic perspective, we can look at some of the dreams about "sex", sent to the International Institute for Dream Research.
Reviewing the dreams (below), we can sense Jim's (14) "dark" emotional difficulties, that comes with the melodramatic psychological territory of adolescence, and the often overwhelming hormonal and affective storms of puberty. Lisa (16) seems confused about her bi-sexual dreams and fantasies, however like so many other adolescents and young adults, she is exploring and experimenting in her dreams with what "turns her on". Lisa appears to be trying to remain open minded, even if she has troubles imagining lesbian intimacy. In Ed's (24) dream, there is no foreplay..., no story...he just goes for the gusto. Lars's (25) ménage a trois BDSM fantasy, appears narcissistically driven, taking care of his own needs (ten nights in a row) seems primary. In Jinny's (22) dreams, there is some talking and dialogue, after which "one thing leads to another". In Eliane's love fest dreams, she says there is no "attraction", however the dreams seem to suggest some sort of correlation between power rank ("higher level"), money ("pay grade"), and sex exists. The former American Secretary of State, Henry Kissinger long ago said that "power is the ultimate aphrodisiac."
What I personally have observed in the youth today who are having trouble trying to define their dreams of love, sex, erotic fantasy, are the romantic problems in understanding such conceptual differences and distinctions between attraction, fascination and infatuation. Often youth subscribes to a physical definition found in the archetypal "hormone theory of love". This fallacious belief in the equation of lust = love, can only lead to unmet emotional and psychological needs of attachment and love. Failed emotional love, often leads to a poetic broken heart, love sick verse of the walking wounded, and emotional baggage, which may be carried around for a lifetime. For example, the dream interpretation "Flirting" discusses the emotionally treacherous adolescent paths of love and the romantic passions.
From a popular music, film and literary perspective, no theme has received more attention. In the IIDR article "The Songbook I Write", you can a find the vicissitudes of love expressed through popular music songs and videos. For this interpretation, Nat King Cole's "Fascination", seems to fit the sentiment and its complications in dreams. According to the American Film Institute, the top five Hollywood dream factory love stories of all time are as follows;
- 1. "Casablanca",
- 2. "Gone with the Wind",
- 3. "West Side Story",
- 4. "Roman Holliday" and,
- 5. "An Affair to Remember".
My question remains; "What happens to the dream of love?"
Jim, 14 Belgian
For the past 9 months, I have been madly in love with a girl. And the dreams I have of her are never moving dreams, just an image. Some of them include:
- Her on the floor with a slit wrist
- Her on the floor naked and raped
- Her having sex with people I don't get along with
- Her dying of an eating disorder
- Her moving away and laughing at me
- Her having sex with me
In all of these dreams, even if i'm in it, there's always me in a dark corner, sneering. One night I had a dream about her that was so realistic and such a fantasy at the same time:
We were sitting on a mountain at night, both in our under-garments, and then the stars began to weep. She looked up and began to weep as well, so I caught one of the stars' tears and placed it in her hand. She stopped crying, and we began to hold each other and the stars stopped weeping. She began humming a song so beautiful... I don't know a name for it, but I can almost hear it now, just in my head.
Ed, 24 American
Having sex in my dream.
Lars, 25 South African
Had the dream for 10 nights in a row.
I'm tied up on a bed and my fiance and her friend is having sex with me.
I am a straight 16 year old female but I have never had a sexual dream about a guy. (Well, if I have I did not remember it upon waking.)
Last night I dreamt that the kid I liked and his girlfriend broke up. Eric told me he liked me better, and upon hearing that Marie attacked me.
I woke up in the hospital and she had her arms all over me. According to what people could tell me we had started making out and were now a couple. I was really weirded out by this, but was highly turned on when we started making out.
When I woke up I was a bit freaked out, but not disgusted. I don't think it was repressed homosexual feelings, because I am not homophobic, and I just can't see myself having intercourse with another girl.
The one thing that might have triggered this is Marie telling me that she was bisexual.
I had a dream that I was on the boat (I worked on a boat, but not anymore.) with Bill who worked with me and we were talking I had told him that I was sorry and one thing led to another we were having sex on the boat.
Eliane, 34 British
I keep having dreams that i'm having sex with various co-workers. Some times with multiple co-workers at a time. Some higher level employees some on the same pay grade as me. I'm not attracted to any of these people. They usually seem to like me way more in the dream than they do in real life.