Romantic Idealization -or- More Ex-Files

Jake, 31

Well i will start off by saying i have had this dream 3 times but with different details. From what i can recall i was walking by myself and then met up with a young woman i had never seen before, she was striking at first because physically she was my "perfect woman". I began to make out with the woman  but every once in a while looking at her, remembering only that she had all the same features as my fiance, and most notably her hair (my fiance has very unique hair).

In the three dreams i knew the girl, and she was a (different) ex girlfriend. Also all 3 times i found myself in a dark unknown room. I'm not sure what to make of all this?

Mr Hagen's Reply; High Fidelity -or- Baby I Love Your Way

Your dream reminds me of the film High Fidelity (see film video-real and imagined) featuring Rob Gordon (John Cusack) as a music record store proprietor and somewhat snobbish aficionado. In response to yet another separation, Rob is in the process of surveying his failed past relationships and is soul searching for the causes. In his musical journey down memory lane, he searches out his ex-girlfriends. Rob proceeds to interrogate his "top five" traumatic relationships (see film video-Top 5 all time break up list) of his life. In what can be seen as a clinical poetic turn, Rob reports his observations and findings directly to the viewing audience (see film video). High Fidelity's numerous soundtracks of a variety of artists also features Peter Frampton's Baby I Love Your Way.

Your dream seems to be similar, in the sense that each time you have this recurring dream, instead of your fiancé, you are intimate with a variety of ex-girlfriends. You seem to value "physical" appearance, the woman of your dreams is the "perfect woman". No woman can live up to such unrealistic expectations all the time. Romantic idealization, while important in relationships, can lead to de-valuation when the light of day and the oft-time mundane and rigamortic routines of everyday life set in.

John Money's concept of "love maps" can be applied to dreams and dreaming and shows us the developmental variety of maps that partners can create. In all three dreams, you find yourself in a dark unknown room. Is this room, the room that Virginia Woolf asked women to search for, A Room of One's Own? If so, much like Rob Gordon, you have a great deal to learn about women and their dreams. Remember, that an ideal dream love map would encompass a "two way street" for both partners. You can be certain, that you are not alone, other interpretations posted at the IIDR website such as Running With The Wolves, speak about the same perennial romantic dream dilemna, however from a somewhat different perspective.

Hope this provides some insight.

Mark H



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